FROM DINNER AND A CRIME SPREE
(all songs by Selzer/Cudmore, ASCAP)
DEALING WITH YOUR SHIT AGAIN
You reeked of all the beautiful and sweet pervasive sadness
of folk song set at christmas when you showed up at my house
Looking like a stained glass saint who just got out of prison
your rudolph the red-nosed reindeer bra was showing through your blouse
dealing with your shit again (x2)
I swear had those same stamps on your hand last time I saw you
get your ass in here before you freeze
I’ve still got a couple of those pills you used to take
in the morning we’ll dig through the snow, try to find your keys
dealing with your shit again (x2)
So you say needed someone who’d already seen you naked
And out of all five people you chose me?
Your purse is past the point of saving, throw it in the trash
as for your clothes, check it out - I got a new machine!
You remember where the bathroom is, don’t text your mother back
i'll handle with her, just let me see your phone
And I can tell Joanne I think you went to Charley’s place
and feel much more productive than I ever do alone
so I’m dealing… (x4, + "later you can deal with mine)
UNRESOLVED THEME FROM DINNER AND A CRIME SPREE
instrumental
SAME FROZEN CHRISTMAS EVE
You said “It’s a long story, and there isn’t any sex, and I don’t wanna be a bore”
The towel barley kept us from an NC-17 as you settled by the heater on the floor
Used wrapping paper crackles out static, the wine takes its seat
And the ghost of electricity settles in the bones of our feet.
There’s this ice that the wine won’t melt
ice that the static won’t melt
Ice that the heater won’t melt
Ice that our bodies won’t melt
and your keys are in the snow, so it ain’t like I’ll be asking you to leave
it’s a new set of towels, but the same frozen christmas eve
Its like we’re acting out a play that’s been running forever in a little black box theatre downtown
that same electric loneliness I think survives in each of us, always seems to freeze us out somehow
It’s a new vinyl pressing, newly remastered, but the same “Warren Zevon” side B
that we played a hundred times, while you deal with all the shit I bring with me
There’s this ice that the music won’t melt
there’s this ice that the time won’t melt
ice that the words won’t melt
ice that the change won’t melt
And I’m not calling you lazy, hell I’ve barley even put up my tree
it’s a new star on top but the same frozen christmas eve
desperadoes under the same frozen christmaseve
desperadoes under the same frozen christmas eve
desperadoes under the same frozen christmas eve
I don’t mean to fall into this trap
but I didn’t even really have a package to wrap
and I made up my mind, i ain’t changing it now
since that night back then that we never talk about
but stay
please, please stay
CASABLANCA ON DVD
I’m the same age as Rick now?
Bogart’s playing younger than he looks
do you think I coulda been a soldier of fortune
if I hadn’t stayed in here with my books?
I know that you could be Ilsa
Frankly, you could be Victor too
walk into any gin joint in all the world
make anyone play anything for you.
We act like we don’t know we’re sliding closer together
but I think that we do
yeah I think that we do
You say you don’t really remember how this movie ends
but I think that we do
Yeah I think that we do
I pretend I’m distracted
messing with the settings on the screen
you pretend you’re distracted
making sure the stain’s out of your jeans
The world will always welcome liars
that’ll work out fine for you and me
acting like we just picked out this movie at random
out of all these stacks of DVDs
chorus
We’ll always have the south side hospital; as if we could ever forget
today, tomorrow, and yesterday, too, i’ve learned to live with regret
chorus
WHATEVER HAPPENED WITH TIM?
Whatever happened with Tim?
Hey, was that you last year at the loudon wainwright concert?
How old is your sister’s kid now?
Should we talk about that night that we never really talk about?
Don’t even ask about her
Hey you never sent those pics from when you finally went to Tokyo
How was that week in LA
I’m not sure I forgave you when you said I wasn’t pulling off those shoes
Did we decide where we’re going?
There’s not a lot open right now.
Am I taking you back to that party?
or are we just driving around?
Whatever happened with Tim?
Hey, was that you at the loudon wainwright concert?
How old is your sister’s kid now?
Should we talk about that night that we never really talk about?
How old is your sister’s kid now?
Should we talk about that night that we never really talk about?
How old is your sister’s kid now?
Should we talk about that night that we never really talk about?
THE PIONEER LIQUOR STORE
I still say the howling snow, black ice, and the holiday drunks on the road
were safer on the balance, than the two of us being left to our devices alone
If we hung around my living room I’m afraid that I’d crash into you
but at least at home I never crash into rust colored subarus
well technically he crashed into me
left the car there, ran off somewhere
do you think that means his car is legally mine?
all I know is I’m gonna need a little more wine
but we crashed right next to
The Pioneer Liquor Store (oh oh!)
the Pioneer Liquor Store (oh oh!)
Stain shaped like Christ on the door (oh oh)
Salvation on the hardwood floor
Glory hallelujah it's the pioneer liquor store
Peeling brown paint that’s gotta predate every other place around here by years
A strange surviving relic of the time before they built the subdivisions out here
Still a bit rattled, and the snow’s getting worse, and the truck is slow to answer the call
Your roommate wasn’t gonna let you in, you don’t have roommate at all
Broken glass, pain in the ass
busted cars, insurance cards
all the mundane things that we never did together well
stuck inside this cold hold music hell
staring at the heart of
The Pioneer Liquor Store (oh oh!)
the Pioneer Liquor Store (oh oh!)
there’s a BYOB next door (oh oh)
Ain’t gotta be alone no more
this ain’t no chicken stand, it's the pioneer liquor store
Who needs loneliness? we got bourbon
Who needs bitterness? We got scotch
We needs what we both knows a big mistake
when we’ve got a guy who’ll sell us booze?
Who looks looks like dracula in 1970
Has a calendar up from 1992
and dyes his combover with india ink
and thinks 37 bucks is a discount price
for three quarters of a liter of buffalo trace,
I’ll buy it, cause we pioneers love buffalo!
Such a great source of food on the oregon trail
til we die of dysentary out by chimney rock!
Yeah, we’re pioneers to the core!
Let’s grow up with the country some more!
Get the bottles and some plastic cups
we’ll go next door and bottoms up
The Pioneer Liquor Store (oh oh!)
the Pinoneer Liquor Store (oh oh!)
Yeah we’ll drink like pioneers tonight!
At the chinese place on the right!
it’s always christmas eve at the pioneer liquor store
ho ho ho!
DINNER AND A CRIME SPREE
There’s a vast sea of disappointed faces at the golden wok hibachi buffetsad suburban nighthawks eating disappointing chow mein and I know we’ll be just like them some dayYou told me your dream about carrie fischer, you said you loved her and she rolled her eyesI’m not sure if this could really make us a rebels, but I’m starting to think we should try
So let’s do dinner and a crime spree babydinner and a crime spree tonightlurk through all the shadows that the christmas lights are castingdinner and a crime spree tonight
We always fantasized about low down motel rooms, hiding out while sirens raced through the townand our booth here at the Golden Wok, probably wouldn’t qualify, but if we just move a few parts around...It’s a plate full of noodles, not a suitcase full of money but the alley can’t choose all of its ratsthis ain’t like that one song, we are definitely getting older, and we gotta do something bout that
dinner and a crime spree babydinner and a crime spree tonightmake a couple headlines in those papers no one readsdinner and a crime spree tonight
So let’s do dinner and a crime spree babydinner and a crime spree tonightlurk through all the shadows that the christmas lights are castingdinner and a crime spree tonight
We always fantasized about low down motel rooms, hiding out while sirens raced through the townand our booth here at the Golden Wok, probably wouldn’t qualify, but if we just move a few parts around...It’s a plate full of noodles, not a suitcase full of money but the alley can’t choose all of its ratsthis ain’t like that one song, we are definitely getting older, and we gotta do something bout that
dinner and a crime spree babydinner and a crime spree tonightmake a couple headlines in those papers no one readsdinner and a crime spree tonight
fog in the window and wind from the door
cold bleak and biting and moaning for more
snow in your hair and frost my sleeve
darkness as thick as the bedcurtain thieves
neon sign strip malls like snapdragon glare
dotting the streets just like smears in the air
stinking of whiskey and general tso
rise and walk with me and baby let’s go
dinner and a crime spree baby
dinner and a crime spree tonight
I’ll do my Peter Lorre voice til you say that you despise me
dinner and crime spree tonight
dinner and a crime spree baby
dinner and a crime spree tonight
I can hear the alfred hitchcock music playin’ already
dinner and a crime spree tonight
CHUCK AND JUNE'S SHITTY PARTY
This place looks like my nightmares, but chuck and june seem happy enough
I’ll distract their friends and eat their food while you dig through their stuff
read the decorations on the wall and you tap at my arm
that verse from first corinthians on a plate they probably got at Hartville Farms
You say love isn’t patient, love isn’t kind
this is why our hearts never really aligned
but if they had I guess it might be us serving boxed nampa wine
chuck and june’s shitty party
Everyone believes I’m from accounting, and you’re Trish from HR
I tell them we’ve been singing rocky horror to our kids in the car
and Chuck pretends he knows me, turns out he knows every callback line
while you browse the CD tower, and notice how it overlaps with mine
This might have been our tree, if we’d traveled that course
no, let’s not kid ourselves we would’ve gotten divorced
or plastered cheesy magnets on the fridge without a hint of remorse
chuck and june’s shitty party
oh my god they have that CD
oh my god did they used to be
wouldn’t we have stayed closer in?
or at least not named our kid Madisquinn
and they traded it in for the olive garden
damn it, I could sure go for some olive garden
the ghost of Christmas Paths not taken’s gotta be just laughing in our ears.
grab an ornament. let’s get out of here.
Love isn’t patient, love isn’t kind
never peek inside, you might not like what you find
and these ornaments are so damn basic stealing them is barely a crime
chuck and june’s shitty party
chuck and june’s shitty party
love isn’t patient, love is not kind
love isn’t patient, love is not kind
love isn’t patient, love is not kind
SWING, BABY!
We hopped the fence at a quarter of midnight and staked our claim on the green
chasing each other around the slides, shaking the snow from the olive trees
remember when idleness was sort of like romance, not just cause for more stress?
I’ve tried yoga and meditation, only made me feel like more of a mess
Swing baby, swing baby, make this one night count
hasten down the snow and wind to drown away the doubt
Swing baby, swing baby, if it be your will
don’t let this bottle pass you by, grab at every thrill
seas between us broad have roared, and I guess that they’ll keep roaring
life is lonely and bittersweet, but no one told me I could get this boring
We’re already rebels cause you know this playground closed six hours ago
We’ll throw rocks at the window, and down the last bottle, maybe take off all our clothes
or just swing baby, swing baby let’s just swing all night
everything’s illegal, long as you do it right
Swing baby, swing baby all the way around
every law that we can break in here is going down
Swing baby, swing baby, swing the night away
we didn’t work together, but this ain’t work it’s play
swing baby, swing baby, prepare for all results
you can’t say we’re not adulting if they’d try us as adults
Swing baby, swing baby, touch december stars
we may not share a life but we can make this one night ours
Swing baby, swing baby, christmas bells will ring
we don’t get on but there are certain angels we can always get to sing
SOUTH SIDE HOSPITAL
You haven’t looked at me that way
since that night in a
now defunct
south side hospital
where you finally made up your mind.
Found your keys on someone’s else’s tree
and now you’re looking like you can’t decide
if you should get your car or stay.
But I think I made up my mind too,
back that night we never talk about in a
now defunct
south side side hospital
so, stay warm and keep your powder dry
whatever that means
There’s nobody else but you
wiith whom I’d go back to being 22 in a
now defunct
south side hospital
So merry christmas
better than THAT one anyway.
FROM EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE, AND MINE IS $300 (2015)
all songs by Adam Selzer, ASCAP
YOUNG ADULT NOVEL (JAKE'S LAMENT)
So my girlfriend left me for somebody's role playing game character
I’m delivering pizzas all over Des Moines today
like this butthole load with which they sent me clear the hell to Colfax
that’s bigger than a buttload, you think about that it seems strange
dude in Colfax said “i didn’t order pizza in fact I just ate a ham salad"
So I peed in his parking lot and nursed my wounded pride
came back to find a girl in bonnet in the back seat of my car
a time travel agent who offered to pay for a ride
Now I feel like I’m stuck in some lame ass young adult novel
where the kids are losers and the sex scenes are tame and slow
yeah i feel like I’m stuck in some lame ass young adult novel
and I got a whole butthole load of chapters to go
Her name was Violet Annie Moss, and she said that she’d just beat up charles dickens
I said “what are you, a gamer?” She just said, “Oh please."
she pulled money from her cleavage and said “just get me to Chicago"
exactly where my girlfriend’s party was going to be
I said “pretty girl shows up in my backseat with cash in her boobs?
You must be teaching me how to live in the moment, right?"
She said “I don’t live in the moment, dumbass, I live in 1867"
I said “they’re still gonna call you a manic pixie dream girl online."
And I feel like I’m stuck in some lame ass young adult novel
where the cover would only show violet annie moss’s shoes
yeah i feel like I’m stuck in some lame ass young adult novel
that’s i’m gonna go on goodreads and give me a star review
I curse the day my now ex girlfriend clicked that link on tumblr
i curse the fact the year is over and I’m basically broke
and I curse the poor market for humorous young adult novels
it sucks for me because my life is one ginormous joke
Cause I feel like I’m stuck in some lame ass young adult novel
librarians might order it but barnes and noble would pass
yeah i feel like I’m stuck in some lame ass young adult novel
if you like John Green then you’ll love my hairy ass
THE KID WHO ONLY LISTENED TO MEGADETH
I have screwed it all up like a kid who took French in the 90s
just to translate a megadeth song
a six semester hitch to learn what dave mustaine was really singing
in the chorus of "a tout le monde"
And when Christmas break arrived he was clinging to a D
with five semesters more to go in hell
he knew he’d never make it and the pisser of it was
He already spoke Spanish pretty well
So he thought about the universe, he thought of God and death
and e thought of things that shook him to his core
If he wound up in the army, all because of Dave Mustaine
Well, what could he believe in anymore?
He stared into the drainage tunnel under 82nd
And wished he could be washed out with the stream
But it had been a dry year, so it barely trickled past him
As he stood and hummed "Foreclosure of a Dream”
Cause He'd learned about the Internet and learned what Dave was singing
before he learned “un deux toi, parlez vous"
he felt like such an idiot with no one else to blame
yeah that’s the way I feel when I’m with you
yeah that’s the way I feel when I’m with you
yeah that’s the way I feel when I’m with you
that’s the way I feel when I’m with you
NAME TAGS OF THE DAMNED
That could be the last drop of blood from my heart
dripping from the tip of the syrup dispenser
splotches on the counter leave patterns
try to read them like tea leaves
d-list ice cream parlor
nametages of the damned
call me anyname you want to
i know what I am (x2)
Customers don’t come in here often
we spend most of our time in the break room
smoking and eating the mix-ins
it’s the best job ever
leon stan and dustin
nametages of the damned
call me any name you want to
I know what I am (x3)
big jake makes more money
driving pizza ‘round these days
but it's we who've found the light
and he’ll be back one day
There's an ice cream cake shaped like a cartoon whale
that’s been on clearance since the 1990s
he will leave here when we do
we’ll be buried in the walk-in freezer
we can’t stop we won’t stop
nametages of the damned
call me any name you want to
i know what I am.
call me any name you want to
i know what I am (repeat)
PROFILE PICTURE
I guess the radio still works
now I don’t think I’ll go home
til I hear a DJ actually say
love’s a game of easy come and easy go
because I don’t know how he knew
to play this 80s song
that was playing the last night that I kissed her
on the night I know she's gone
Her profile picture’s changed
it’s not the one with me anymore
Her profile picture’s changed
I'm all alone
You could only see my arm
beside her teardrop face
but now I’m one completely
now I’ve been erased
And she’s all dressed up in costume now
with two of her gaming friends
and now I know why she thinks game's better than life
in games, love never has to end
Her profile picture’s changed
it’s not the one with me anyone
Her profile picture’s changed
I'm all alone
I lost the transmission in the middle of the song
I didn’t think radio was even still a thing, but I know I’m always wrong
Her profile picture’s changed
it’s not the one with me anymore
Her profile picture’s changed
I’m all alone
and that i never meant that, that I never meant that, that I never meant that, that I never meant that..
INSTEAD I GOT YOU
I got a cursed ass
and a broken heart
Opinions are like assholes
you can keep yours to yourself in my car
D and Bm now a radio show with orson welles is sticking my head
where a hitchhiker is telling him he’s already dead
the story sticks in my head like the chorus of a song
G A that cardboard elvis standup there is looking at me wrong
at least another argument is something else to do
I was hoping for a miracle. Instead I got you.
In your pipe tobacco cigarette
that makes everything hazy
you look like refugee
from the cast of "My Fair Lady"
I don’t have much to offer as a partner in crime
cept I’m really good at raffles, won a spelling bee one time
i was the first to use ‘yurk’ as a synonym for ‘hurl’
and my car’s the last place anyone would try to find a girl
so if you got the money we can try to make it through
I was hoping for a miracle - instead I got you
This cheese bag of a universe don’t even know I’m here
on the highway out of colfax, next to last night of the year
did that town seem like something out of lovecraft to you, too?
BASEMENTS (Jake Has Died of Dysentery)
You could dig a tunnel under the suburbs
start an oregon trail of you own
treat the basements like landmarks and forts
lurking beneath every home
ford through rivers of old decorations
couches with pizza grease stains
bent up copies of that one Boston album
old weight sets and toy trains
faded posters of old action movies
baseball cards by the bale
the same plastic keepsakes, the same magazines
at every fort on the trail
Yeah I know what you mean when you say
that it looks like we’e tangled our fates
like the cables to 8 bit controllers in boxes
beneath every home in the state
yeah
GOING TO HELL
the wind's getting gradually hotter as it zips by my face
I stopped screaming long ago, I move now with admirable grace
I've remembered my whole life a dozen time through
when you're falling for eons ain't shit else to do
but practice your backflips as you plunge towards the sulfurous smell
Watch out, that last step's a doozy when you go to hell
Sometimes I wonder if it takes as long for people who rise
falling ought to be faster than floating, so I wouldn't be surprised
if nobody's made it to heaven at all
or if everyone else is still making this fall
guess i've gained a bit of wisdom, but only one secret to tell
and that's that the last step's a doozy when you go to hell
My love was like a cancer, it got worse the more than it grew
the things that have stained my soul black were things I did for you
when I land in the realm from which no soul returns
half of me hopes I’ll be watching you burn
while the other half hopes that we two end up sharing a cell
that last step is a doozy
watch out that last step’s a doozy
yeah watch out, that last step's a doozy when you go to hell
AT A DINER IN THE QUAD CITIES
G C) These roadside diners never really seem as stylish in real life
(D G) as they do in 1950s TV shows
(G C) This place seems looks like it used to be Shoney’s or something
(D G) halfway between Des Moines and Chicago
(Em D) bad chili mac and coffee cups with lipstick
(Em D) clinging to the rim just like tattoos
(Em d) I found every word in the puzzle on the placemat
(C D) thirty seconds faster than you
(C G) We’ve got five hours to kill and three to drive now
(C G) and the whole entire menu’s lower case
(C G) drawing lines around the coffee stains with black crayons
(C D G ) please don't catch me staring at your face
yeah, i could start my own place and make better chili mac than this
but that costs a lot of money, and even awesome restaurants fail
every night at work I'm making roughly eighty dollars
every day a bill for ninety’s in the mail
and I wish that we were sitting at the counter, not a booth
Some place where your hair wouldn't catch the light
This pepto bismol pie must be the Devil’s own invention
it's proof that all this end times shit is right
Stuck among the pastel booths of bettendorf
same music as that grimy seafood place
dropping cola from my straw into the red glass
please don't catch me staring at your face
i think that you’re just wasting time with August
And you don’t think I’ll be getting Jenny back
but those are our opinions, and opinions are like assholes
you don't discuss them over chili mac
Tell the latest version of your story
stir your cup with elegance and grace
ask if we can get another coffee
please don't catch me staring at your face
HYPERSPACE
If I need someone to keep me warm I'll just put on a sweater
love won’t keep you safe from dying alone
You put on your party dress while I warmed up the car
and scrolled through all her pictures on my phone
The snowflakes look like stars do when you make the jump to hyperspace
every time I flash my high beam lights
no one in this galaxy could love me all my life
I just want someone to love tonight (x2)
You think of yourself as like the gangster wendy darling
and me I’m just another preston slob
and I wish I had some secrets as dark as all the ones
that I see behind closed doors out on the job
The snowflakes look like stars do when you make the jump to hyperspace
making point five past the speed of light
It was like I stole a used kiss when I drank from your straw
I just want someone to love tonight (x2)
no one ever really keeps you safe (x4)
The snowflakes look like stars do when you make the jump to hyperspace
blowing from a ralph mcquarrie sky
you said “punch it jake” and I tried to stay on target
I just want someone to love tonight (x2)
I.O.W.A. (IDIOT OUT WANDERING AROUND)
Inside they’re singing Auld Lang Syne with verses I don’t know
the red light’s flashing morse code signals reflected the snow
I’m not good with signals, we’ve established that by now
and I’m just another idiot out wandering around around around around around
just another idiot out wandering around
just another idiot out wandering around
Ankle deep in the dirty snow and half out of mind
trying to trudge through all these footprints other idiots left behind
you’d think I would be used to this rejection shit by now
just another idiot out wandering around around around around around
They’re lonely in Chicago, like they’re lonely back at home
They’re sure lonely here on Western Avenue
I got over her just as the stroke of midnight fell
just in time to get hung up on you
Found a pizza place still open, sat there on the stool
tasted like the pizza from my elementary school
it was like I traveled back in time, but I’m still right here right now
and I’m just another idiot out wandering around around around around around
just another idiot out wandering around
THIS IS MY WORLD NOW
When I came back from the party
you told me about the guy you kissed at midnight
with the raven on his shoulders
two girls kissed against the wall out in the courtyard
as we headed back to my car
for the last part of the ride
This is my world now
watching other people falling in out of love
saying drinking from your straw is like a used kiss
one more pathetic near miss
to add to my collection
Today won't even be a page when I write my book:
"Jake in his own words, the true inspiring story
of a total schmuck
who mooned a new year's party
and cursed ‘em all to early graves"
you told me that you think you're dying young?
well maybe this is why
This is my world now
Watching other people falling in and out of love
you say the memories we have
are just memories of memories
they're never right
so why don't you forget the things I said tonight
This is my world now
watching other people falling in and out of love
dodging calls from collections
stuck inside of preston with the colfax blues
but i'll get over you
you got me over her
and if i got over her
i know that I'll get over you
VALENTINE'S DAY AND GARBAGE NIGHT
no good way to cheat this game
pocketful of valentines with other people’s names
snowfall turning the sidewalk white
valentine’s day and garbage night
taped up car and howling sleet
i'd send back my heart but I lost the receipt
round thirteen of a twelve round fight
valentine’s day and garbage night
I guess I should have seen this coming
the light’s on in the window where she used to live.
lonely cop on a slow patrol
pocketful of valentines burning a hole
why can’t I do anything right?
valentine’s day and garbage night
VALENTINE'S DAY
I sang along with songs like “Just the Way You Are”
And all the other billy joel songs on the satellite radio
eating hush puppies and staring at my phone
three words in an email
that probably went to your whole list
my boss sent me a text and I told him I was busy
yeah, busy doing bullshit like this
Happy goddamn valentines day
I can't believe I still know every word to "Honesty"
every other table had been empty all night
happy valentines day indeed
I’m living closer into downtown
Than I was when I last heard from you
On a clear night I can hear the drive-up windows
at the fast food places on Cedar Avenue
One time I thought that I saw you walking past me
in the parking ramp they built outside the mall
but when I got up closer, it was just some other girlwho didn’t really look like you at all
Happy goddamn valentines day,
I’m still out walking on these same five streets
i’m running out of money, and running out of time
happy valentines day indeed
I typed out a reply but I decided not to send it
I’m not sure what you’d think of me these days
I made it out of preston, but I didn’t get much further
into downtown than cornersville trace
There are always good movies on TV
But they never get you off my mind
Cause I wonder where the hell you are whenever it snows
Happy goddamn valentines day
I’m sure you’re not even thinking of me
Well if anyone asks, I’m not thinking of you either
FUNNEL CAKE
The snow sticks to
my car’s blue hood
like powdered sugar
on a funnel cake
just like the one
she had that day
last time she said
“I love you jake.”
When we did it on
the gravitron
She spun around
stuck to me tight
and they had on
that 80s song
I believe it's time
for me the fly
and she flew away
you blew in
with the new year’s snow
you came to me
a mystery
and now you’re gone
like last year’s snow
the imprint’s gone
from my back seat
and i look for you
in far-flung towns
parking lots
the routes i take
you’ve melted back
right into time
like powdered sugar
on a funnel cake
one day soon I'll fly away
BONUS because ya read the lyrics:
NO SLEEP TIL TYPE IV DIABETES (THE IOWA STATE FAIR SONG)
I lost the beta version of my teeth when I was 7
and the new release has started to decay
but they can get me even better models at the dentist
that won’t be quite as prone to rot away
I'm going to the Iowa state fair now
Gonna eat and eat and eat and eat some more
type 2 diabetes is for pussies
No sleep, no sleep til type 4
no sleep, no sleep til type 4
I've already smelled the hospital hallways
I've already seen a few lines on my face
One day they yank the lease off of this rental
So I say we party hard and wreck the place
Like how I don't recycle cause I know a meteor
is gonna fuck us like the dinosaurs
type 2 diabetes is for pussies
no sleep, no sleep til type 4
no sleep, no sleep til type 4
Deep fried peanut butter cup and deep fried butter
Teriyaki pork chop on a stick
Everything at the fair except the bull fries
My shirt says Little Debbie is my bitch
No sleep, No sleep til type 4 (chant)
If you say that we should cut back on sugar
I can't promise to be faithful anymore
type 2 diabetes is for pussies
no sleep, no sleep til type 4
no sleep, no sleep til type 4
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